The basis of happiness: 10% is circumstances, 50% is genetic disposition, 40% is Intentional Activity We can control the 40%.
               
• One must be committed to a goal that fits with one’s values- strengths, problems, lifestyle.
• Happiness level fluctuates based on thoughts and actions. We must make the best of things.
• On “attitude of gratitude” increases self-esteem, helps with coping, builds social bonds, etc.
• On goals- they give purpose, a sense of control, help you see the silver lining and obstacles.
• On loss- ask yourself how it’s impacted you, what lessons you learned, what gains you made.
• On social connection- kind acts raise self-esteem; tolerance, lower depression, judgments.
• On depression- recognize distorted beliefs; replace with adaptive thoughts; problem solving.
• On cultivating optimism- consider multiple meanings to a situation and how + can be found.
• On relationships- we must share their dreams, help them reach their goals, be happy for them
• On delayed gratification- makes the action more meaningful (small things not 1 big thing)

Typical responses that do not help: 1) overthinking; 2) social comparisons; 3) excessive choices.
1) We often undo the “good” in something by second guessing ourselves; gut reaction is best
2) Comparing makes us feel inferior and decreases self-esteem; there are always those who are better
3) If we always check details we get stressed, confused and apathetic; look at the whole picture.

Identify the nature of the problem. What are your negative beliefs?
                                                         Record consequences then dispute them.

Hedonistic adaptation- humans can adapt to anything whether it is a good or a bad change
   but getting too used to good fortune is bad becaue we end up wanting more.
If something good happens: appreciate it, do not be spoiled, sustain it so it stays.
Humans are better at adapting to major crisis than daily ones cause they are better prepared.
Myths of happiness: certain adult achievements will make us happy forever
                                  certain adult failures will ruin our lives forever
It’s our responses to the challenges that matters most rather than the acts themselves.

People who face adversities are happier, more successful, and more resilient.
People who change their lives for the better must consistently work at it. 
Rely on internal not external judgments.
Make the journey as good, as the goal.
Keep a journal -recognize patterns and track thoughts and behaviors
Forgiveness is crucial, but don’t be a doormat it lowers self-esteem.
Put your troubles in a box then hide it.
If goals are unrealistic redirect them, verbalize them.
We are more regretful of what we haven’t done that what mistakes we made along the way.
We dwell on unfinished business; we must learn to live more in the moment.
Nothing is as important as you think; we inflate and exaggerate

Relationship Questions:
1) How have I become stronger since divorce?
2) How have you grown and changed?
3) What are your new priorities?
4) What’s the funniest thing said?
5) What are you feeling and why?
6) What has helped you bounce back?
7) Do something everyday that makes you happy.
8) How do you expect to grow?
9)How do I reconnect with others?
10) What can you teach them?

Exercise to Achieve Happiness
Write down the answers to each of these questions in a journal then discuss.

1) Decide what you would really like to do in life (your ultimate goal).
2) Who is the real owner of that goal? (family, parents, friends, you).
3) Put the steps into smaller objectives. (Will it conflict with anything?)
4) How will you grow in the process of reaching the goal?
5) Would you still do it if the compensation were more modest?

Determining your goals:

1) Is it intrinsically or extrinsically motivated?
2) Are the components harmonious or conflicting?
3) Do they satisfy a strong need (connections, money, power)?
4) Are they in line with your values?
5) Are they reachable and flexible (if no re-evaluate them)?
6) Do they focus on attaining something or running from something? Coping with bad news:

1) How could this news be worse (then realize it’s not so bad)?
2) Are the consequences/treatments controllable? Explain
3) What is needed (watchful waiting, active change, acceptance)?

The questions below should help you concretize some of the concepts presented.
A) Recall an achievement in your life:
   Did you follow goals to reach the end result?
   If so how did that help?
B) Recall a loss in your past:
   How did it impact you?
   What were the lessons you learned from it?
C) Recall some social connections you made:
   Did it raise your self-esteem?
   Did it raise your tolerance level for others? Explain
D) Recall a time when something negative happened.
   Did you have a positive attitude?
   Did that help you cope? Explain

Compare a time when you got something good immediately vs. over time.
   Which experience was more meaningful and why? In each case how long did your joy last?
Compare a good relationship with a bad one.
   Can you determine the difference? Were you supportive of your partner (and vice versa)?
   Did you share in your partner’s good news? Did you help you partner achieve his/her goals?